Thread: 2nd year teacher is falling

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a fix, first off. But a couple of things are in order:

I never wanted to teach. I wanted to do something else.

This seems to be the root of the problem. If you really wanted to do something else, then you should have done something else. Period. Teaching is not something you can do if you are not set on doing it- at least, not without side effects, which you seem to be experiencing.

. I can't even think of breaking my contract because my adminstrators may get mad and certain people would be unhappy. B

Probably. Unless those "certain people" are your children who would go without because you would be unemployed, you shouldn't really worry about it. I'm going to hazard a guess- parents who paid for your education? Have a serious talk about it. A friend of mine had a son who was not happy at college, but it was a sore point between them- the father was adamant that the son was going to hang in there. The son didn't feel he could meet the father's expectations and later committed suicide- which put the father through much more than a son leaving college would have. School administrators happy? I've never heard of such a thing I wouldn't worry about that either.

Now, here is something I think if you can clear it up, it might make these other issues better:

While I genuinely do love the children now, and my classroom management skills are excellent, I am still so stressed out. I stay late every day and check into school very early. Then I go home and prepare for five hours, usually until 1am. I do this everyday except for Sunday.

You are in fact overworking yourself. Exhaustion will affect you psychologically in a very bad way. 3 hours of sleep a night? Obviously, that's no way to live. And what is more, it is self- inflicted. I'm going to hazard another guess (and that's because I've had similar feelings more than once) that you probably spend a lot of time weighing possibilities, mulling each decision carefully, planning each activity out to the nth degree. Commendable, but not sustainable. Remember- you have to have some semblance of normality or you will not function. What you will have to do in order to survive the rest of the school year is manage your time better and not be afraid to make a quick decision, with perhaps sketchier plans than you like, and accept less than perfect results. Also, that every contingincy cannot be allowed for- you will exhaust yourself in the attempt, as you are doing now.

What you must do to solve your problem is resolve to be more efficient in your planning- more act than thought, as it were. Find ways to save time, and set a time where you don't work- every day. Also, enough sleep is important. Set yourself a reasonable bed time and stick to it. It sounds like you know what you are doing- have some confidence in what you do when you do it, and you will spend less time on it.

You might actually find that things look different if you don't grind yourself into the dust. Being tired all the time is not a good perspective on anything.

Finally, there is some joy in life- seek some of it out. I hope you take this as encouragement, but I hope you reflect on why you are doing what you do, and do what would make you most happy.

I'm so sorry you are feeling in this state. JohnBoy is right. You are not getting enough sleep and it is making a bad situation even worse.

I stay late every day and check into school very early. Then I go home and prepare for five hours, usually until 1am. I do this everyday except for Sunday.

This is ridiculous. You are not getting paid enough to do this. You are probably getting paid about $1.50 an hour. Put it in perspective. Stop doing this. Ask yourself "what will happen if I don't have this lesson perfect?" and if the answer is "nothing", then don't do it. If you're planning for what appears to be 13 or 14 hours a day, you're overplanning. What is it that you're doing that you can spend so much time in planning? What level do you teach?

I don't know what's happening to me. Whenever I think of teaching, my stomach hurts. I don't like doing it. I constantly want to hurt myself so that I don't have to go each day. Sometimes I even pray that I'll die in my sleep or get into an accident. I have become quite a negative and awful person.

This is a very scary position to be in. No job is worth what you are doing to yourself. Do yourself a favour and get out of this business. While you love children, there is possibly something else that you can do other than teach.

I never wanted to teach. I wanted to do something else.

What is it you wanted to do? You might want to explore this. Go see a doctor and take a stress leave. You cannot continue in this frame of mind.

I can't even think of breaking my contract because my adminstrators may get mad and certain people would be unhappy.

You are not responsible for how other people feel. I'm going to say it again. You are ABSOLUTELY not responsible for how other people feel. Please go to a doctor and take a stress leave. Please get out of this business before it kills you.

What can I do to make 165 more days?

Go to a doctor and take a stress leave. Please don't try to continue in a job that you hate. Life is way too short to do that.

I agree. What in the world are you doing for five hours a night? That is ridiculous. If you break your contract, who cares? All that means is that you can't teach at another school this year, which I don't think you want to do. Leave due to medical reasons and find another job.

If you never wanted to do it, why did you?

You are working too hard, and you are doing it to yourself. It is time to put your prioities down and decide what you want to do. Teaching is not for everyone and if you are not happy you affect the lives of thirty other folks. Get some sleep, take a mental health day, or make an appointment to talk to a pro. Reassess your goals.

You should call it quits before you do something to harm yourself. Who cares what administrators, friends and family think. Do it for the kids and do it for you!