I was assaulted by a student ...

**David of Houston** · 01-25-2002, 12:54 AM

Hello Cyber-friends,

Today I had a difficult experience at school. A third grade student physically assaulted me and has been suspended for three days for attacking a teacher.

This is what happened.

I was on after school bus duty. The students were sitting in the cafeteria in lines for various buses. Another teacher, Ms. C. told a third grade student to go to the end of the bus line. This student routinely cut into the front of the line and Ms. C. told the child that this behavior was not acceptable. Cutting into the front of the line was also unfair to the rest of the children who rode that particular bus.

The child, (I will call him Bradley - which is not his real name), stomped to the back of the line. He threw his book bag on the floor and then picked it up and again slammed it onto the tiles.

I asked him to sit down.

The child glared at me but followed directions.

I ignored the angry look and didn't pay any more attention to Bradley until Ms. C. left the cafeteria to call the boy's father. When Ms. C. left the room, Bradley got up and moved back to the front of the line.

I noticed the move and went over to talk to the student.

"Ms. C. told you to go to the end of the line," I said.

"I'm getting my place back," said the boy.

"Oh no you're not," I said. "Do you want me to tell Ms. C. what you're doing? She's already on the phone with your father. Do you really want me to tell her that you decided to ignore her instructions?"

"I'm getting my place back" insisted the child.

When the bus arrived, I asked Bradley to go to the end of the line.

Bradley ignored what I said and tried to walk around me. He stepped to my left and I moved to block his path. He stepped to my right and I again blocked his path. He backed up a few steps and then tried to run past me. I shot out an arm and he hit my arm with such force that I spun around. The child then began to punch me in my chest. I was absolutely shocked. I couldn't believe that he was trying to hurt me. While my brain was trying to get a grip on the rapidly escalating situation, the boy took one step back and kicked me in a very private area. The pain was incredible. I resisted the temptation to throttle the child and locked him in a secure bear hug. He kicked and screamed and tried to break free.

I didn't know what to do. My you-know-what was on fire. I felt like dropping to the floor and curling into a fetal position because of the pain. I looked around and saw a school secretary.

"This child just assaulted me," I wheezed. "What should I do?"

"Take him to the office," said the secretary.

The child immediatley stopped fighting. I picked him up and lurched to the office.

The principal was initially furious at me for making the child miss his bus. When she realized what the child had done, she slapped him with a three day suspension. She had me write up a report to document what happened. She also asked me to list the names of any adult witnesses.

I was fortunate to have two witnesses - one a school secretary and one a classroom aide.

In retrospect I realize that I didn't have time to think about what I was doing. From the moment the child ran into my arm, I simply reacted ... and herein lies a terrible danger for all teachers.

As a rule of thumb, we're not supposed to lay hands on students and if I had had more time to think about it, I would probably have let the child get on the bus - and then reported the matter to Ms. C.

But everything happened so quickly. I didn't expect the child to ignore instructions to go to the end of the line. I didn't expect him to try and force his way past me. After the child exploded all I could do was react.

I am now waiting to see what happens tomorrow.

The child has already received a three day suspension but the question that is probably on the principal's mind is this ... did I use excessive force? After all - teachers aren't supposed to lay hands on students.

I hope I don't get reprimanded.

Out of curiosity - what do you think? Did I use excessive force?

(sigh)

David

**Leslie** · 01-25-2002, 01:56 AM

Oh gosh David -- what an awful thing to have happen to you!!! I don't think you used excessive force - I think the little brat needs some SERIOUS consequences and a 3-day suspension won't do the trick. He needs anger-management counseling and his parents need parenting classes. It is quite obvious that he is used to getting his way and determined to do so. He also most likely bullies the other kids.

And this was a THIRD grader? I 'd hate to see what he does to his middle school teachers in a few years if SOMEONE does not take strong measures to teach him self-control now. How typical to try to place blame on the teacher.

I hope you're all right. If he was punching you (aside from that kick) I expect you'll be bruised and sore for a couple of days. If you have bruises, for gosh sake go to a doctor and get it documented. You might need that documentation later on if this situation gets out of hand. Let's just hope the admin backs you up and does not kowtow to the parent.

Keep us updated ok?

**David of Houston** · 01-25-2002, 02:45 AM

Hi Leslie,

Thanks for your reply.

The boy's punches didn't leave any bruises. He wasn't big enough or strong enough to put any force behind them ... I was actually more surprised than anything else. I couldn't believe that this kid was actually trying to hurt me. But the kick ohymgosh ... that HURT!!!

The child's action was deliberate and because I didn't anticipate this action, he hit me dead center.

The principal told me that if the child was 10, I could file charges against him for assault but as it is, the police can't do anything ... not that I would have seriously considered filing a police report.

What gets me is I don't understand the reason for his anger. So Ms. C. told him to go to the end of the line. BIG DEAL!!! And so he tried to sneak back and got caught by yours truly. SO WHAT? Was that any reason to go beserk and assault a teacher? I truly don't understand the rationale behind his behavior.

I am also not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Lord knows what his PARENTS will say.

"The child was acting in self defence."

"The teacher provoked him."

"The teacher had no business telling my child what to do!"

Sheesh ...I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

David

**Leslie** · 01-25-2002, 12:20 PM

That's the whole point, David -- why was he so angry at being told what to do? Maybe he is used to getting his way at home and it very well may be that the parents will take the offensive. However, it could be just the opposite. The parents may be appalled at his behavior and at their wits end as to how t handle him.

In any case, I believe the stance YOU should take is that no matter what the reason for his anger and his age, there is NO excuse for acting out that anger as he did. He MUST receive anger management counseling -- along with his parents. This child is now in 3rd grade. By the time he is in middle school he very well may be as big or bigger than some of his teachers. He has to learn to control his anger NOW -- this is not something he will "outgrow" and believe me -- that's what everyone will say.

They'll say he was provoked, he's too young to to know better, after all he didn't really hurt you seriously etc etc. All that stupid stuff. But none of that matters. What matters is that he has a problem and it has to be dealt with NOW!!!!!!!

Good luck -- let me know how the day goes. I"ll be thinking about you, my friend.

**David of Houston** · 01-25-2002, 09:49 PM

Well as it turned out, I survived the day.

I was called from my room to attend a meeting with the building administrator, the parent, and the child.

The parent was very nice. Her number one concern was to find out why I had my hands on her child. She wanted to rationalize the child's behavior as a defense against unwarranted aggression.

Unfortunately the evidence didn't support her belief. Her son admitted that he had snuck back to the front of the line after Ms. C. had told him not to. He admitted that he refused to follow directions about going to the end of the line. He admitted trying to force his way past me and he even admitted to having kicked me. The one thing he did not admit to was punching me several times.

I apologized to the mother for having laid hands on her child and explained that things had simply escalated much too quickly for me to even think about what I was doing. I assured her that I am not in the habit of grabbing students and explained that the reason I finally grabbed him and picked him up was because he had punched and kicked me.

She accepted my explanation and made her son apologize.

The building administrator suspended the child for three days.

I do not know if the root cause of the problem, (the child's extreme anger), was addressed. After the meeting, I saw his homeroom teacher in the hallway. She said the student did not have a history of disobedience, defiance, intense anger, or physical assaults ... and she was at a loss to explain why the child blew up.

Under the circumstances, I guess everything turned out well ... but I worry about the child. If he doesn't get a grip on whatever it is that's upsetting him, will we be reading about another senseless act of school violence in the newspaper a few years down the road?

I hope not.

Thanks for listening.

David

**teacherspet** · 01-25-2002, 10:09 PM

David...I am appalled to learn that this child is a third grade student! I (like you), want to know where all this anger is coming from. Usually students at this age are easier to manage and while some of them may act out for a female teacher, most of them quieten down when a male teacher enters onto the scene. I agree with Leslie, this child definitely has some kind of problem, and if it isn't taken care of now, in a few years all the hormones will make it much worse...something much more terrible could happen. I am at a loss as to understand why children have no respect for authority anymore.
It's a good the thing the parent was nice about the situation...at least she didn't come in saying that her child could do no wrong. Even in my inexperience I have learned that some parents always blame the teacher. I have even considered videotaping my classes just so I could show the parents exactly how little Johnny or Susie is acting in class. It would be hard for them to refute video documentation.
I sincerely hope you never have to go through anything like this again.
Rhonda

**Leslie** · 01-26-2002, 01:04 AM

David, so glad it turned out ok for you. All day I've been thinking about you.

Unfortunately, I believe that nothing further will be done about this child for now. If there is another incident, it too will be dealt with in isolation. And another and so on until it is too late.

Those of us who teach (or have taught) in the early grades know full well the predictors of potential violence in adolescent years. I'm not saying this child will be violent because I do not know him or his family or his school behavior history -- but he does bear monitoring for the next couple of years and ANY similar incident should be a red flag to begin intervention strategies.

Oh well -- off my soapbox or I will write all night on this issue. Right now I am in the midst of a course design on Personal Safety and Violence Prevention (coincidence) and I am planning a b-day surprise party for hubby for tomorrow night. So as soon as he leaves to play golf around noon-- my buttons are getting in gear and decorating and fixing food. I have two friends coming over to help as well as the boys home for the weekend. We'll have five hours to get everything ready -- and I've been sick all week so I only got to the store today!!!!!!!

*sigh* *yawn*

How do I get myself in these situations LOLOL

Will write more on Sunday but not before then for sure!!!!!!!

PS -- it is his 50TH b-day -- so we're going ALL OUT with the decorations and gag gifts LOLOL

**Bill T** · 01-26-2002, 05:44 AM

Just got back in from a trip to DC (as you can see from a new thread I just started); got both your phone messages, but as it was past midnight here when I walked in the door, I didn't think it prudent to call at that hour. I WANTED to, believe me.

So it seems that things have turned out okay? Whew!!! I know how you must have felt. The issue of "excessive force" on a child is a touchy one, NO pun intended. From what I know, you acted the best you could. In what little intervention training I have had, they tell us it is okay to place a violent student in a bear hug, as you did, so long as the action is warranted (and it sounds like it was), no harm is done to the child, and, of course, you are careful where you put your hands. For the record, I don't care HOW violent a female student got, I was just back away and NOT resort to this tactic. I think everyone knows why, too.
The law must be very different here than in Texas. Here, if a student, any student, is physically aggresive to or assaults a teacher, they can be expelled for the year. Charges can filed too and speaking only for me, I would do exactly that, not because I am seeking revenge (that seems rather futile and petty) but because only then will the parent and child HAVE to take some action to get the student some help.

But the matter seems to have been handled. I hope you are spared any more such confrontations!

Time for me to get some sleep. Only hours ago, I was walking the National Mall in DC and now, here I am at home in North Carolina. And I drove too. I am gonna sleep like a rock tonight...

**David of Houston** · 01-27-2002, 04:40 PM

Hmmmm ... now that I've had more time to pause and reflect - I am seriously concerned by the parent's attitude. Even though she was very polite, she rationalized her son's behavior as self defense against my unwarranted aggression.

Never mind the fact that he was forcing his way into the front of the bus line. Never mind the fact that he ignored instructions from two teachers to go to the end of the line.

The parent tried to turn me into the "aggressor."

I didn't lay a hand on the child until HE ran into ME. He then started punching me and when I tried to stop him - he kicked me in the crotch ... but this was characterized as self defence?

Against what?

Against being told to go to the end of the line?

And what will happen the next time the child is given an instruction he doesn't like?

David

**Leslie** · 01-27-2002, 04:51 PM

David -- you did not exhibit "unwarrented aggression* so get that out of your mind right now. One thing you cannot do is keep going over and over it in your mind and trying to second-guess what you did and what you "should've/could've" done differently.

Your question" And what will happen the next time the child is given an instruction he doesn't like?" is THE KEY ISSUE here and this is what the admin needs to be taking up with the parent. To h*** with kissing up to the parent -- this kid needs help and most likely so does the parent.

There's a lot that goes on at home of which teachers are totally unaware. For all they know, this kid has been a problem at home for years and is just now showing evidence of it at school (after all he's only 3rd grade and hasn't been in school that long). If this is the case, don't think for one second the parent will admit it because in his/her mind that is admitting failure. It's not failure - it's ignorance of parenting skills -- but parents don't see it that way.

Walk softly around this parent -- likely she is on the defensive. Like it or not, children's actions DO reflect on the parent and this parent knows that full well -- which is why she is pushing the blame on you instead of placing responsibility where it belongs - with her child and with her.